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01 Oct 2016


The Inner and the Outer conversation

The conversations that we have can be put into 2 groups, the Inner and the Outer. When we reflect in our mind or internally, we tend to converse with a source or inner higher power. When we externalize these thoughts through verbal or written communication, we project our inner will into the outer will. I have questioned just where this inner dialogue originates from. I am aware that what we choose to permit into our virtual landscape permits it into the outer sphere or public sphere.

When I think of the stories of demons and angels, I tend to view them as messengers or idea communicators between the inner and outer realms of the self. This is conversation between the spirit, mind and body with the physical, spiritual, astral and akashic spheres. They can also be seen as the feelings, thoughts or actions of others. When we engage with others we are acting with self (inner) and the outer physical of others. These interactions are the reflections that we are projecting into the world.

The energy fields or transmissions that we collect are from the network of energy manifestations of all living or active concepts in the universe. When a person is acting in an irrational manner, one could infer that they have been influenced by a negative idea or demon. The same could be said if they were acting in a positive manner as a possession or influence of an angel. But in reality, the energy or concept remains neutral until accepted or internalized as an experience.

I have never been able to just accept what is given to me. When Ethan was sick, I didn’t believe that there was no chance for him to get well. I didn’t want to hear people with their words of assurance (It’s god’s will), or look upon their tears and sad faces. That look of despair, that acknowledgement that death and agony would be my son’s destined fate. Who wants to see that old hag face? I didn’t accept anything the doctors would tell me. They would swoop in and bring me the news of doom. I would process it, get emotional, and then a little voice from within, would come in and monologue in my mind. This inner conversation has kept me from accepting any dealt fate.

I noticed that when I erased the idea or notion, that “this is the way it is…” or ignored the symptoms (didn’t worry about them), that it wouldn’t happen. On the side effects, if I would worry about them, he would acquire them. If I didn’t think about it, it would magically go away. I tested this theory with a bone disease he had acquired with the fancy name of Avascular Necrosis (bones dying).

I wanted to go research it out, but that inner voice, said no. The doctor told me that my son might not be able to walk and be wheelchair bound until he stopped growing. The doctor with all his wisdom had announced his version of possibilities. They wanted to go in and remove the dead bone by chiseling it off. I refused this treatment. I said he will be fine. Didn’t give it any more thought. It miraculously resolved itself.

I have always had to seek “it” out. Look in the outer for clues to the answers that lie within. This was the ultimate paradox for me. When I look inwardly for direction. Why go looking for “it” outwardly at all? As far as dogmatic ideology, I repelled anything with an absolute mindset. I prefer to follow “anything is possible” philosophies. I despise the idea that anyone knows what is absolutely best for me, or has the “right” answer or “Truth”. That anyone can label me as anything. That the moment when an idea is concrete and willed as a declaration, or observed, that it becomes immediately, so.

When R. mentioned the Logos and the word that we choose to speak, I understood this concept immediately. What we will and say can have repercussions. When I get in my bad mood, or allow the paranoid thoughts to set in, when it causes me anxiety and physical unrest, that is when I am the most dangerous person to myself and the world. When a person is living actively, the person’s thoughts and actions, along with their emotions can determine their destiny. It is wise to choose your thoughts and words. To not offer negation in any form. To make everything you do, have meaning and purpose.

If I must circumcise or choose my words and actions wisely, living with intent, so that my manifestations become the physical reality that I dwell in, I must not allow any other thoughts to penetrate my being, accept those that come from the spirit that dwells within. With that being said, once I am able to master my house and body, I would be able to master and control the nature that surrounds me. What I say or desire would be my fate unless acted upon by the same subconscious projections of others in this sphere. When I can master the forces of nature within the self, I can then master the forces of nature that surround me. I can weave and control my destiny.

If I do not accept the fate that I conceive… then it will not become an absolute. Whatever I accept as true and permissible becomes the possible. What I choose to solidify as truth, becomes my truth. What i tend to obsess about becomes the reality that I live in. Within reason and in the facilities of my mind and the capability of universal laws of nature, time, space and causality. Bearing on the limitations that I set, that I demand, that I declare. So if I don’t succumb to the ideas, will that be the reality for me?

When the worries fester… when the conversations that lack intent or purpose take center stage… am I being the destructive force in my own way? In letting go will I receive all? Is it really that simple?

When I said perhaps, our conversations were holy conversations, even as a tease, there may have been a little “truth” in the statement, in regards to Divine Conversation. When what we talk about evokes events and is manifested in daily lessons and interactions, it leads me to believe they are divine timed and inspired, holy conversations. When it influences the environment surrounding me, effecting me on different levels, this creates an inner change that reflects into the outer. This conversation becomes an inner one, although projected outwardly.


Gnostic Matriarchal Bishop, Templar Priestess, Energetic Therapist, Activist, and Interior Temple Decorator, Logo and Web Developer for Virtual Environments. Sustainable Technology Consultant.

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